Do not adjust your set
Sep. 11th, 2010 05:00 pmI will mostly be using this journal to post random nonsense.
Sep. 11th, 2010
Dear Citizens,
You may have observed recently a slow but steady shortening of the day. There is no need for alarm. What you have noticed is part of a natural process scientists refer to as "Autumn". Scientists have observed Autumn occurring every year since records began in 1865, and evidence from ice core samples taken in the Highlands of Scotland suggest it has been happening yearly for many centuries.
As Autumn proceeds you may experience some harmless side effects, such a coldness and windswept hair. These effects are temporary, and can be reduced by remaining indoors with your heating on. You may be shocked to start noticing Christmas decorations and other festive paraphernalia appearing in shops. Please try to remain calm, you are not in any immediate danger. You may be tempted to purchase these items to protect other consumers from distress. This is not recommended, as studies indicate this causes the items to multiply and spread.
Christmas is caused by the virus consumera spendorum, which has become essentially endemic in the human population over the last few decades. A few isolated communities have not yet been infected. These tend to be remote tribes with little contact with the main human population. The virus prefers the cold, which is why symptoms start to become more widespread at this time of year in the US and UK. This is also why fewer people show symptoms of Christmas in Africa. Consumera thrives in landfill sites. It is transmitted by shared contact with shiny things (such as coins, cars, gadgets), by reindeer, and by the laughter of small children. There is currently no known cure.
We hope that this information will help you enjoy the coming seasons in a calm and responsible manner.
You may have observed recently a slow but steady shortening of the day. There is no need for alarm. What you have noticed is part of a natural process scientists refer to as "Autumn". Scientists have observed Autumn occurring every year since records began in 1865, and evidence from ice core samples taken in the Highlands of Scotland suggest it has been happening yearly for many centuries.
As Autumn proceeds you may experience some harmless side effects, such a coldness and windswept hair. These effects are temporary, and can be reduced by remaining indoors with your heating on. You may be shocked to start noticing Christmas decorations and other festive paraphernalia appearing in shops. Please try to remain calm, you are not in any immediate danger. You may be tempted to purchase these items to protect other consumers from distress. This is not recommended, as studies indicate this causes the items to multiply and spread.
Christmas is caused by the virus consumera spendorum, which has become essentially endemic in the human population over the last few decades. A few isolated communities have not yet been infected. These tend to be remote tribes with little contact with the main human population. The virus prefers the cold, which is why symptoms start to become more widespread at this time of year in the US and UK. This is also why fewer people show symptoms of Christmas in Africa. Consumera thrives in landfill sites. It is transmitted by shared contact with shiny things (such as coins, cars, gadgets), by reindeer, and by the laughter of small children. There is currently no known cure.
We hope that this information will help you enjoy the coming seasons in a calm and responsible manner.
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